The Cold of Loneiness
by Silent Phantom gal
Summary: Canada comes to a conclusion. Maybe the world would be better without him, maybe where ever countries went after death was warmer then the cold loneliness that now gripped him. Rated for suicide and swearing. Used to be named Invisible
1. Chapter 1

_**I'm feeling sad so I'm writing this it's rated for suicide and blood.**_

**Canada's POV**

Tears fell down my face.

_'I'm invisible, worthless. No one can see me. No one can hear me. I'm never going to be noticed. I'll never mean anything to anyone. I'm a son, a brother, yet they still don't know me!" _

I slapped my fist down onto the glass coffee table, shards dug into my soft flesh. I watched as the crimson drips down makeing pink swirls on the overly white floors.

_'Why, just Why does this feel so good. Leting my pain drip away with my blood?'_

I grab a large shard, about 10 inches long.

_'I always will fell this way, no matter what. But as my blood drips slowly away so does the ache in my chest if the blood drips faster will the pain leave? I DON'T WANT THE PAIN! I-I just want it to end._

I brought the shard up to my small wrist, looking at the skin, so thin, so easy to break. I heard a pound at the door._  
_

"Go away Alfred."I said my voice cracking. The pounding stopped abruptly.

"Dude, what's wrong?"

"Just go Alfred."

"Just let me in and tell what's wrong." I didn't answer. I just used all of my strength to make the cut, scrapping the bone. I fall to the floor as the blood made a river around me... From me.

CRASH

Alfred ran in, the door laid on the floor. He gasped, pulling out his cellphone and shedding his shirt at the same time.

"Nonononononononono!" he whispered ripping his shirt up trying to stop the bleeding, as he dialed 911.

"Why Mattie, Why?" he asked tears streaming down his face.I look up at him weakly, before speaking in a voice quieter than I normally speak in.

"No one cares about me, I'm invisible. I'm worthless. I was never loved in any way. Being lonely mad me feel colder than the strongest blizzard that gripped my lands. I wanted to be loved, I want to be noticed when I'm not a Cannon fodder. Maybe where ever I'm going I'll get that." I went to close my eyes only for Alfred to shake me until I weakly opened them.

"Don't talk like that! Your going to get out of here alive! Your not dying!" he yelled beyond the point of hysterics. I let out a weak chuckle.

"Alfred no human or nation can lose this much blood and still stay alive." My eyes gazing at the large pool of blood I was laying in and Alfred was kneeling in. " I'm going to die. And you know what Al?" I smiled weakly, "I'm not invisible, I'm not scared, I'm finally... Happy." I closed my eyes,

"NO YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE! I'M THE ASS, I'M THE ONE NO ONE CAN STAND! YOUR THE SWEET, CARING ONE! I SHOULD BE THE ONE DIEING NOT YOU!" His sceams of protest slowly faded away.

_**Extrmly sad fanfictions make me feel better some how, I don't know but they do. You don't need to review but you can if you want.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_This started as I was sad so I wrote it but it turned into a plot bunny!_**

**America's POV**

I don't know how long I was kneeling there after the paramedics took my brother's cold still _body _from my arms. _Body, _it was all too real. I wanted to pinch myself and wake up from this nightmare, but it wasn't a nightmare. My brother, sweet, sensitive, Canada was gone. Mattie was dead. Tears had just stopped streaming down my face, when I heard the yelling.

"Frog there is nothing wrong!"

"I'm telling you! I feel something is terribly wrong!" I looked up as England and France crash through the back door. England saw me

"America! Tell this bloody frog, every..." They walked into the room and froze at the sight of the blood around me.

"It's not ok, England not at all." I whispered my voice cracking. He ran up to me, checking me over.

"It's not me." I whispered. France was deathly pale but didn't move.

"What happened?" England demanded, but my voice was gone. Tears spilled out of my eyes,

_'I have to tell them! I have to explain to everyone that Mattie k-k... That Mattie's gone!' _I couldn't do it! I'm supposed to be the hero but I couldn't tell them.

At the sight of my tears, France snapped out of his frozen state and dragged both England and I down the hall. He opened a door revealing a room with multiple monitors.

'_Of course!'_ Each nation's house had video cameras set up around them, for security reasons but I think it was Hungary's and/or Japan's idea. I typed in the time and date before walking out of the room. I saw most of it once I didn't need to see it again. I heard cries rip from the two men's throats as it ended.

"No! He wouldn't!"

"He would and he did." I said walking back in, "My baby brother just died in my arms!" I was once more in hysterics. I collapsed onto the ground not willing to face the world.

**The funeral**

I watched as they lowered the casket into the ground, tears blurring my vision. All the minor nations had showed up. Prussia was sobbing into Hungary, who for once didn't pull his pan out or anything to stop him. Hong Kong for once was crying. He and Canada had grown close friends recently. Australia and New Zealand were huddled with Liechtenstein, Switzerland, Romano, and Spain. Sealand was next to me, crying for our brother; wish that he and Canada had been closer.

"Why, Mattie? Why did you leave us?" I whispered throwing a shovel of dirt into the grave. I fell to my knees in front of it. _The grave! _

"WHY! EVERYONE LIKED YOU! I WAS THE ONE NO ONE COULD STAND! WHY ARE YOU WHO WE'RE BURIEING**_ (sp)_**!" No one made a move to comfort me. They knew I was right. None of them, not even France or England, could normally stand me. It was ok, I just went to Mattie's, but Mattie was gone. I felt the cold Mattie had talked about in his final moments, loneliness. I was for the first time since I 'born' that I felt truly alone. I don't remember before I met Mattie but after we met we were inseparable until France found Canada. I still remember the day I met him.

**FLASHBACK  
I was cold. The wind up here was fridged, but I felt something in my land. I don't know how long I had wondered, but I knew a few things. I was a nation, America by name. I was about 6 physically. I could feel my people and now I felt a presence similar to mine close to the edge of my land. I walked onward until I felt myself reach the very edge of my land. I felt my eye widen, I'd never been out of my land before. What was it like? I took a deep breath and stepped over the invisible line. Nothing happened. I looked around for the person I had felt. **

**"H-hi" A small voice said from above me. I jumped and looked up. There in one of the tall maple trees sat a little boy. He looked almost exactly like me, only his eyes and hair were different. His eyes were more of a purple then mine. His hair more of a brown then my golden locks and he didn't have my cowlick, instead he had a curl. **

**"Who are you?" I asked climbing up the tree. **

**"I'm Canada" He said, leaning over the side of his branch to watch me. I smiled as I reached a branch level to his. **

**"It's nice to meet you, Canada. I'm America!" I said striking a heroic pose. He giggled. "Hey! It's not funny! I'm going to be a hero someday, and save people." He shook his head. **

**"No silly! You're a nation! How can you be a nation and a hero?"**

**"I don't know, but I'll find a way!"**

**"Ok I believe you."**

**END OF FLASHBACK**

It was a bitter sweet memory now. It was the start to a relationship that would last more than two centuries, but it was over all with a single shard of glass.

_**Done with this chaper next chapter will be up in the next week or so.**_


	3. PLEASE READ

Hey this is not a chapter but got to get the word out so please read!

On **June 23** (According to GTM timing) there will be a **BLACK OUT**!

Fanfiction is planning on taking down stories. I do not know the specifics but anything over M rated stories will be taken down. It could be yours or one of your favorites, so don't let it happen. FIGHT THE POWER!

On **June 23** _DO NOT_ enter the fanfiction site; _**do not log in, read, or review anything**_ until June 23 is over. Please take part in this and spread the word, for how are we suppose to unleash our imaginations if we are restricted!

Thank you for reading this short rambling and please spread the word and take part in the black out on **JUNE 23**.

SAVE THE STORIES!


	4. Chapter 4

**AMERICA'S POV**

It had been over three months since Mattie died. Today was always a special day for me and Mattie. July second, the day after his birthday, two before mine. Always, no matter what (even during the war of 1812) we met in our secret place, the place we first met to exchange gifts and usually spent hours talking. The secret little grove wasn't in either of our country, rather it was in both. It had tall mighty oaks, and sweet smelling maples. A little stream running right thought it starting in Canada but ending in mine, like a stitch forever connecting our lands.

I climbed the hill leading to it with the present that was sitting in the chest pocket of my bomber's jacket. It was wrapped in silly wrapping paper, moose eating pancakes. I thought of how we always found funny wrapping paper for all our presents to each other, but the paper still related to our countries. I sighed smiling slightly at the paper my present had last year. I will never know where he found paper with partying bald eagles on it, including one that was wearing heart boxers on its head. I neared the place as I heard rustling in the small, white, furry face stuck out.

"Oh hi Kumajiro. Is this where you went." the bear didn't speak just walked towards the grove, me right behind him. I entered the clearing and looked around, this place held so many happy memories, I smiled felling warmer than I had since the day I had held him close as he bleed dry in my arms. A voice spoke up scarring me.

"h-hi." a soft voice whispered above me. My head whipped up and my heart nearly stopped. In the tree was a little boy, maybe four, with brownish blonde hair, lilac eyes and a pair of glasses perched on his nose. It was Canada, it was Mattie. I started climbing the tree to get to him.

"Who are you?" I heard myself asking.

"I'm Canada."

"Well Canada this might be hard to believe but, I'm your brother, America. But you can call me Alfred." he looked at me with wide innocent eyes as I sat down on the branch next to him.

"Really?" I nodded, picking up from his branch and on to my lap.

"I believe you." he said putting his arms around my neck in a hug. I had tears in my eyes. He pulled back concern in his face.

"Did I do something wrong, Alfred?" I smiled down at him.

"No, Mattie. It's just really good to see you."

"Did I know you before? All I remember is waking up her after a long sleep a few days ago?"

"Yes I knew you and don't worry that you don't remember. Here I got a present for you." I handed him the little present. He giggled at the paper before opening the gift. Inside was a gold charm bracelet.

"Each of the charms is another nation that I think you'll like to meet." I told him, helping him put it on.

"The Tomato is for Romano, he's mean sometimes but that's just him. The turtle is for Spain; he is really nice and hangs out with Romano a lot. Next is Prussia the little bird, he can be annoying at times but he's awesome, and he'll tell you so every time he opens his mouth. The purple ribbon is Liechtenstein, a really sweet little girl, and the gun is her really over protective brother Switzerland. Hungary is an energetic young woman, she's the flying pan. Australia is the Boomerang, and New Zealand is the sheep." I explained fingering the charms in turn. He looked at it in awe.

"What about these?" he said pointing at the last five charms. I chuckled, before continuing.

"Well the Fairy is England, he's always seeing imaginary creatures, like fairies and dragons and trying to do magic." he giggled at this, " the rose is France, he always flirting with someone, it's got him into a lot of fights with England, they never quiet see eye to eye. The little sail boat is for our brother Sealand."

"We have another bother?" he cut in. I nodded.

"Yup Sealand is Spunky and rowdy, but he's the most determined person ever, trying to become a recognized nation." he smiled at the thought of his brother.

"The next charm is a Polar bear, for your pet. If we climb down we can see him." before I even finished talking he was out of my arms, trying to get to his pet. I climbed down after, my signature goofy grin plastered on my face, one that had been absent for a while. By the time I got down he was snuggling with his bear.

"Mattie, that's Kumajiro."

"Kumajiro" he mumbled snuggling closer to the bear. I sat down next to him.

"The maple leave charm is you." I said drawing his attention.

"And the eagle is me." I finished.

"That's really cool, Alfie" he said hugging me again. Lifted Mattie in one arm and Kumajiro in the other.

"Come on Mattie, I'm taking you home."

**(This line wants to be a Canadian)**

**Germany's POV**

It was July 12, about 30 minutes into the world meeting, when America came in. This had become normal since Canada's death, America would show up late, if anyone told him off, not that they would, he would ignore them and sit silently thought the meeting unless spoken to, then he would answer something that made sense not one of his stupid ideas. It was actually hard to see him like this, every meeting I always wanted to act like that but now I had it I wish for the old America back. The doors opened and we looked up out of habit, there stood America... With a giant smile plastered on his face?

"America?" I asked.

"Hey, guys!" he said in an upbeat voice, not his usual tone but not his emotionless tone he's been using.

"I got a surprise for all of you." He said, snapping us out shocked states. He motioned to something outside the door. In walked a little Polar bear that used to hang out with Canada, but it and America and the bear continued to stare out of the door. America knelt down and spoke softly.

"It's ok Mattie, they're the people I told you about." shakily a little boy walked in, his little hand twisting a single curl on his head nervously. All noise in the room stopped as America scooped the little boy up in his arms.

"Don't be rude, Mattie, introduce yourself." America told the little boy sternly but at the same time gentle. The little boy nodded,

"Hi, I'm Canada or Matthew Williams." the little boy spoke softly. England let out a strangled cry.

"America, how..." America smiled reassuringly at the old Brit, setting the small nation down. As Canada ran to snuggle with his bear, America spoke

"I don't know, Iggy. All he remembers is waking up after a long sleep, in our secret grove. Don't ask where that is I won't tell you, but I will tell you this, it's where I met Mattie. We go back there every July second for the day to celebrate our birthdays. I went there and he was there, in the same tree I first saw him in. I've been taking care of him since."

"Alfie's a good big brother!" Canada piped in, we turned to him. "He makes me pancakes with maple syrup and plays with me and tucks me into bed at night." the little boy said smiling up at us. We all look at America.

"That's really mature of you America?" I said, he rolled his eyes, and got a serious look on his face.

"I'm raising him to be loved and cherished. I'm not driving my brother seven feet under, again. I'm going to make sure he never feels the coldness that's worse than General Winters. I'm going to make sure he never feels invisible or lonely again." He said darkly it made even Russia shiver.

"Alfie? Why did I introduce myself to them if they didn't do the same?" Canada asked innocently. America turned to him grinning softly.

"Sorry, Mattie they just wanted a little explanation. Why don't they introduce themselves now?" He said picking up Canada again.

"Guten Tag, I'm Germany, or Ludwig." I started smiling at the young child.

"Ciao, bambino! I'm-a Italy or Feliciano!" Italy said to my left, Romano slapped him before turning to the boy, a small smile playing his features.

"Ciao, I'm south Italy, or Romano, my human name is Lovino. And if you got the burger bas-"

"ROMANO!" America yelled putting his hands over Canada's ears. "He's physically 5 watch your tongue!" as he uncovered Canada's ears Spain spoke.

"Hola, Mateo! I'm Spain or Antonio if you will!" it went around the room each country introducing themselves finally, Russia was the only one left.

"I am Russia, I'm also Ivan. You will become one with Mother Russia, da?" America looked furious, but before he could say anything Canada piped up.

"But I thought you were a boy? Only girls can be mommies? Ivan seems is a weird name for a girl!" I was very hard to not laugh, but the little Kerl, looked so confused. America had no problem laughing full out at the bright shade of red the Russian was turning. It set us over the edge soon the whole room was laughing at the very red, very embarrassed man. I was just glad Belarus was absent today. After about ten minutes, we calmed down and America explained it to Canada.

"No, Mattie. Ivan is a boy. I honestly don't know why he words it that way nor do I care. But Mattie no matter how funny I found that you should apologize to Ivan." he said. Canada nodded before putting on a puppy dog look.

"I'm swoory Mister Ivan." the Russian tried to glare at the smaller nation, but as his eyes made contact with the cursed puppy eyes his face softened and he sighed

"It's ok медвежонок." I raised an eyebrow at America. Since when does he care about manners? His brother death really did change him and now that he had a second's change. I smiled, Life was a bitch.

"Well since I don't think anyone will concentrate on the meeting now, let's end it for today?" America nodded setting Canada down.

"Hey, England, France and Sealand why don't we all go do something with Canada?" They all stood up and walked happily (for once) out with the other two.

**_Canada is back!_**


End file.
